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Cultivating Deservability for Pleasure – Hellove Class #21


In the midst of a relentless pace, where to-do lists, aspirations, obligations, and challenges compete for attention, the spotlight on hedonistic desires often fades. Acknowledging the entitlement of joy and pleasure is simple, but integrating it into our daily lives proves to be more challenging. When faced with an abundance of tasks and distractions, doubts may arise about our personal worthiness of pleasure. At Hellove, we prioritize the pursuit of pleasure, aiming to affirm the deservingness of it for ourselves and everyone else. Embrace a hell of love.

Why It’s Hard for Folks to Put Pleasure First

If you find it challenging to carve out time for pleasure, whether due to concerns about others, or if you’ve slipped into the belief that you don’t deserve moments of joy in your day, week, month, or even your year (as the Friends theme song assures), we’ve got your back. Let’s unravel the reasons behind all this and make sense of it.

Putting your partner’s needs before your own.
This tendency is often more pronounced in individuals assigned female at birth (AFAB) because of societal conditioning that starts in adolescence and continues into adulthood. However, it can be a challenge for anyone to resist the urge to prioritize pleasing others or maintaining a chronic habit of prioritizing others over oneself. Focusing on your own pleasure, emotions, and senses becomes difficult when there’s a constant concern about your partner’s well-being. While caring for others is admirable, there comes a point where it hinders the ability to be fully present in one’s own body.

Pleasure depends on the situation.
Take a moment to really tune in to your surroundings. How much of it genuinely brings you joy? How much of it sparks your interest? This could encompass significant aspects like your job or your relationship, or even smaller details like the location you choose for intimate moments. Similar to our bodies, our brains require personalized stimulation to feel excited, and if you’re not receiving what resonates with you, accessing pleasure might become a challenge over time.

How pleasure ties into our sense of self-worth.
Do you genuinely like yourself? When we harbor negative feelings about ourselves, be it physical, mental, or emotional, we tend to concoct narratives justifying why we don’t deserve to experience joy. Self-worth and pleasure, indeed, go hand in hand like steadfast companions.

The Perks of Putting Pleasure First

It’s not absurd, sinful, or naive to incorporate pleasure into your life consistently and to acknowledge your worthiness of it. Every individual is entitled to pleasure; otherwise, what’s the purpose of our existence? It’s disheartening to think that we have this unique and valuable life only to face constant hardships. After all, what is the purpose of the struggle if not to appreciate the abundance of good, beautiful, and delightful experiences (such as pleasure) that are also within reach?

Cultivating a Sense of Deservability for Pleasure

Prioritizing self-awareness during moments of pleasure is a gift not only to yourself but also to your partner. By centering on your own experience, you gain insights into your genuine preferences. When both individuals are attuned to their desires and requirements, open communication becomes smoother, paving the way for increased pleasure. It liberates you from worries about your partner’s experience and any performance-related anxiety, fostering a more fulfilling connection.

Be Mindful of Your Company
A supportive partner DESIRES your pleasure, wants you to relish enjoyment, and aims for your satisfaction. Anyone failing to promote that should be reconsidered.

Write in Your Journal About Deliberately Infusing Pleasure into Your Life 
Formulating a Pleasure Strategy can assist you in turning this into a tangible objective and adhering to it!

Audio and Breathing 
Remaining in the present moment is a fundamental route to savoring pleasure. To enhance your presence and connection with your body, experiment with generating more audible and robust sounds. Inhale deeply into the stimulated area, take lengthier breaths, or incorporate the “lion’s breath” technique to activate your Vagus nerve. These methods not only aid in freeing pent-up energy or emotions but also create room for pleasure to flourish!

It’s Fine to Feel More Than Just Pleasure When Receiving.  
Your feelings are valid, and it’s completely natural to experience a mix of emotions or sensations simultaneously. If not all the sensations during moments of pleasure are entirely positive, it doesn’t indicate any issue. Consider it as valuable information that can help you understand yourself better. Use this insight to employ various techniques and stay present in the moment.